Isolation

Sinking deep. I am the stone you threw in the ocean; rejected by everyone, the unwanted creature. Perhaps you threw me for enjoyment, for your pleasure or to let your anger out. But now, I am damaged and sinking.

One push from someone close and the brain goes into isolation mode; cutting ties from friends and choosing loneliness over company. A slight moment of satisfaction; no one can hurt me anymore. And the sanity walks away. I am insane and sinking.

Everyone gets saved by someone, where is my saviour? Unable to save myself, I am waiting to be saved. There is sorrow for there is no hope. There is no one to save me, no hand to help me out of the ocean of isolation. I am hopeless and sinking.

Hurt and broken. Who cares about the internal damage? Anxiety strikes, this seclusion will kill me. Maybe it was me who let you throw me away like I had no value. In the end, everything is my fault.. I am blaming myself and sinking.

Rock bottom, no more sinking but I am still isolated.

Demise

Lost in the fumes, coughing up smoke, feel the presence of death. Silence heightens the fear that embarks from this darkness. Have you become so used to the gloomy air of the end that you forgot death that is breathing so close to your ear? Hear that sound in the silence and let the fear grasp you till you fear it no more. 

That beating heart, isn’t it pumping so loud? How about letting death take a hold of it so it can caress it like a mother then squeeze it and crush it like your bitterest enemy. Feel the pain, feel the life draining out of you. 

Breathe. The oxygen in the air is draining; Inhale it all inside, don’t let it out. Breathe. The sadist is sucking the air out of your lungs. Breathe. Choking throat, the suffocated body cant take it anymore. Breathe, breathe; breathe no more.

That sting in the brain hurts, death is somewhere near. Intensified pain; is it a tumour? The fiend is capturing this exceptional organ. High pitched sound; braindead. Plug out the ventilator. Are you really dead? 

Look at that lifeless body; the shine of eyes disappeared like it never existed, the blood frozen and cold as if the temperature had dropped so low, the body still as a doll. 

Save your soul, don’t let the demons drag it away. 

The past that is gone 

Gone is the moment which i spent wondering and weeping over the ones I lost; perhaps I thought they would’ve stayed, but becoming so fond of someone has never seemed to be of any benefit. Let that moment wither from my unfathomable mind and let the memories be lost in the galaxies.

Gone is the time I spent with my kith and kin alongside the memories we made. Everyone has different memories of the same moment; its all about perspective and emotion, but the time is gone and the memories we hold so close to our beating hearts just amount to the gloominess of life.

Gone are the tears I shed; the shoulder I cried on; the consoling voice of a friend. Wasted my tears on a certain people for the arrows that they hit me. Failed to appreciate the shoulder I cried on and was unable to express my love. Still yearning for the solace in a friend and the warmth of the hug that melts my ice cold heart.

Slowly fading away from this world without experiencing the epiphany of it. Am I dead or am I alive? The question haunts my existence. Perhaps my life will be wasted dying till I drop dead.

Gone, gone, gone and fading away.

 

 

Blank

Blank.

A moment ago, feelings were rushing inside me and making a tornado of their own. But what dominated was happiness; it is always a different emotion that dominates when all the feelings rush to me. It is amusing how the quota of happiness, love, and joy had intensified while the other emotions in their presence were not enough to dominate.

One’s whole life will pass by and they won’t figure out how to keep the joy dominating over the others. How do you snap out of the feeling of happiness without realising it yourself? It’s like someone pulled it all out of me; the light my soul was giving to keep the happiness alive. Why wasn’t it replaced with something else? It all feels blank as if I  had no emotion.

All my heart wants is solace, the real question is if I am ready to give what it wants. I yearn for the feelings I had a few hours ago; it feels like it has been forever since they left. I suppose that my appreciation wasn’t enough and it needed more. This thought will slowly devour my whole soul as I lie motionless, unable to help myself.

Everything is inside you 

The night sky is the most alluring view and it would need a massive amount of effort to get my eyes off it. It gives off this magical feeling that makes me feel as if the sky is where my soul lives,among the constellations. This unique darkness is the only thing that can kindle me to love all the beauty this universe has to offer and simultaneously make me feel as if I’m a single speck of dust. I can get lost among the stars and the galaxies forever but the forever lasts till my eyes close and I fall asleep.

The galaxies and everything comprising within them have always found a way of soothing my soul, the way a mother consoles her crying baby. This universe has played the role of a mother for me multiple times; teaching me lessons about life, helping me stand back up when I fell down and most of all giving me hope.Surprisingly, it has spoken to me countless times without even saying a single word. Perhaps that is why I have always loved staring at the galaxies through a telescope, watching the nebula and star-dust colliding.

It is tragically sad that we never really realise that we have galaxies within us and we have a universe of our own inside us. Our soul is a star in our own universe and some days we just aren’t okay so the light within us becomes dull but some days we are shinning bright as the sun and that is when we are the happiest. We all share our light with the others and strive to become the moon without knowing that the moon wishes to be a star. If only the stars knew their worth, they might have been grateful for everything.

One day this star will become a shooting star, firing up the skies and becoming something to wish upon for everyone out there. And that will be the end of a star, the countless galaxies within and a whole another universe.

The struggle within

There is a beast inside me waiting for the chance to show itself. The beast and I are like two sides of a coin; completely different from each other, yet the same. It lives inside me alongside my soul. My soul manages to intimidate the beast but it seems that it is taking over my soul bit by bit.

There used to be a time when I had a shimmering soul; one could even mistake it for gold. However, now it is different. A part of the beast seeped into my soul and it is turning my pure soul into the colour black. Diffusing into it; I picture it the same way water behaves when a drop of colour is added into it.

When did the beast got loose? How did it manage to grab my soul? Why did I let it do so? Questions that I am unable to answer. I am waiting, desperately waiting for the day when my soul manages to daunt the beast but I can’t find a single ray of light.Is it possible I have become blind? Or is it the beast that has made me blind?

I fear the day when my loved ones will refuse to see me because of this beast.But don’t we all have beasts inside us? It is impossible to control the beasts inside us.This is the beast that provokes you to think terrible thoughts; lets you dream of your death; smiles when you reach for the blade. I wonder why everyone pretends that there is no such thing as the beast.

I picture myself sitting in a dark room slowly becoming a part of the darkness as I let go and allow the beast to take over me for I have realised how cruel this world is and that the beast is what I really am. The beast and my soul are one. This would be the end of me.

 

Mind fence

fence

A fence is an illusion of safety. By definition it is an upright structure enclosed around an area of ground to prevent access or escape. Perhaps a fence just allows your mind to feel safe even though often it is the contrary. Perhaps its purpose is different than what most of us believe.

Just like a fence that seems to be securing an area, a mind also has a similar fence. A fence in the mind is something that might seem to be protecting it but in reality, it is actually stopping you from reaching your full potential and thinking outside of the box. This is the fence the society keeps you inside; preventing you to escape it and stopping the ones that have escaped to enter inside again.Once a person manages to escape this fence inside their mind and think aside from what the society tells us to think, the society becomes shocked to see something out of the ordinary and declares that person as something similar to an outcast.

If this fence wasn’t there then possibly there won’t be people with broken dreams pointing at the society who stopped them from pursuing their dreams. Society is the one who created this fence with the fear that people might get out of control.

This fence is a figment of our imaginations yet it still seems to be real. Perhaps one day someone or something terrible might hit society that it will come to realise that this fence doesn’t really exist and that day will define freedom. All in all, if one forgot this I need to remind you; you are a part of society and so am I.